The Voice You Didn't Know You Weren't Missing

About ME

My Favorite Subject, Briefly. Just Kidding, I can't be brief when talking about not THE BEST VOCALIST but the BEST EVERYTHING! If you don't like it I'll just block your comments.

Live Performances

You may know me from that one performance that made you forget everyone else on the bill. Or from the video your friend sent you with the caption "WHO IS THIS." Or maybe you just found me on your own, because I am out there spamming every opportunity for a vocalist and cramming MY STYLE down everyone else's throat, because let's be honest - again - it's the best.

Collaborative Works

I've been singing since before it was cute, and it has been cute the whole time. My voice has been described as "where did she come from," "is she for real right now," and once, memorably, "I think I need a moment."

Experience

Sometimes I post while forgetting which account I'm on, but that's OK because I'm totally a master of social media.

I'm also trying to be in an agency band which is a great fit for my personality, and if not, it's their fault.

As soon as I secured the HallPass gig and took over the socials, I stopped promoting on their pages and only promote on mine because we all know what matters! ME!

I used my deceased fiance as a great reason to set up a TikTok channel in 2023, two years after his death. I, the grieving widow, quickly abandoned it when I was unable to monetize his death. Ask me about the lawsuit!

Too bad for the other people in the band. They're just scenery.

I Was Going to Pick
Just a Few

But then I remembered I'm me, and I'm definitely my favorite subject. I am deep into hypocrisy and flat out lies! I love using AI and filters to generate images (of myself, duh), while explicitly telling people I don't! I'm so clever!

Customer Reviews

Hear what fellow musicians say about Lauren's unforgettable performances and lack of self-awareness.

"I've played a lot of shows. This was the worst."

"I can't believe we had to stop a song and start over for her. Twice in a row."

"What if she sang the melody? That would help."

"She doesn't take any feedback."

"I have described this performance to seven people who did not ask. It was that cringe."

I started professional work at 12? Or maybe I lie about my age?

This is old. I'm actually unemployed and trying to scrape by freeloading off my dickrider boyfriend and well-off parents.